Live audience applause in theater as Terence Nance jogs on stage in a black turtle neck with blue jeans and white generic-brand sneakers

Terence Nance
How's everybody today? Good?

Cheering and applause continues

Terence Nance
I'm feeling great. Welcome. Random Acts of Flyness is so ecstatic to reveal to you today...B*tch Better Have My Money.

Cheering and applause

Terence Nance
B*tch Better Have My Money is the very first proximity-based social app to use the now-ubiquitous technology of genetic ancestry tests to locate the nearest white person that owes a Black user money.

We help Black people connect with the white folks who owe them that 40 acres and a mule.

Reluctant, scattered claps. Seemingly stock video content is shown on screen as Terence Nance continues to speak

Terence Nance
Simply put, our technology allows Black users whose ancestors have been enslaved to locate and match with white families, whose ancestors enslaved them. Now, once a match is made, we make it very simple for you. Payments could be made anonymously through the app, or if the Black lender and white debtor agree, they can meet up in person at the nearest ATM or notary public. Now, I know what you're thinking.

Why a Notary Public?

Everybody asks me that. Well some of these reparations are so enormous, they require the signing over of assets. Land, cars, electrical property, etc… what have you. There's much, much more.

Our algorithm takes into account medical records, criminal records, real estate records, land-rights, and treaties in order to make extremely precise determinations about how much our Black users are owed due to the considerable injustices of red lining, hiring discrimination, and, of course, mass incarceration.

I've got a surprise for you today. Everybody take out your phones. Everyone of your phones has been updated with our new OS, which includes version 1.0 of B*tch Better Have My Money. And, for you, our first group of beta users, we've invited a random selection of Blacks to the launch…

Black people walk from behind the curtains from the left and right to the stage

Terence Nance
Just to see what happens

Phones vibrating. White audience members attempt to leave the auditorium, but the doors are locked.

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Credits: Random Acts of Flyness S1E3: They Got Some Sh*t That'll Blow Out Our Back