Narrator
The bells are ringing, but are you prepared for another year of colonial indoctrination playing with the colonial machine also known as school?

Children
Nooooooooooooooooooo

Narrator
Well then, come on down to Colonial Stationary, where we have all your needs:

Pens are mightier than swords? Bah! Tell that to those with inter-generational wounds? We have pens AND swords! That way you can enter school ready to dismantle the machine or improve it!

Required reading, but you don't have the books? Due to our strategic partnership with Colonialist Publishing, we have in stock the TRUE, history version of 1619, where people WILLINGLY came to VOLUNTEER to help this great nation grow. For a limited time, if you buy a book, we will give you a bottle of WHITEOUT for FREE! Remember, to white-wash all history that do not support your unique, white view – create your own history book one chapter at a time!

Due to our limited partnership with Colonial Communication, we provide FREE phone plans and classroom cameras to help your parents monitor the teacher's lessons. With these 4k lenses, your parents can report the teachers if they do not stick to the script! We just need your address, blood work, finger prints, income, and social security – once we sell your data to our 797 partners, the phone plan and classroom camera is good as yours!

So come on down!

Children
Yayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy

[LEGAL JARGON]