Host
Hey, what do you got there on your wall?

Inventor
Oh this?

Inventor takes degree frame off the wall and then proceeds to take the piece of paper out of the degree frame.

Inventor
This is our latest invention – "A Piece of Paper," which also is known by its shorten name "a degree"

Host
What can it do?

Inventor
With this piece of paper, people can apply to jobs with meaningful-ish salaries, qualify for "An Advance Piece of Paper," find love, travel in the name of university, and jump over paywalls to access knowledge – all for a small price of $28.95

Host
That's it? $28.95 sounds like a steal

Inventor
It is. However, we are the ones doing it. We invented "A Piece of Paper" with exclusivity accessibility in pockets in mind. Thus, the extremely low and incredibly affordable price of only 1,000 payments of $28.95 –

Host
Only 1,000 payments? That's like 83 years. It's life!

Inventor
Exactly, "A Piece of Paper" gives life, so people will pay throughout theirs. Plus, it aligns with the current average student debt of $28,950 in the United States of America. We even made it on recyclable paper to satisfy UN Sustainability Goals

Host
But you reduced the price?

Inventor
Yes, the price has been reduced to a meager 1,000 payments of $28.95 with a 15% APR

Host
Only 15% APR?! The current average is 40%. With interest that low, how do you make any money?

Inventor
We truly aim to make "A Piece of Paper" affordable to the masses. We have a loyal customer base, who strives to be inter-generational paper chasers since the benefits of having "A Piece of Paper" can be passed down. Dad got a job because of our degree. Then, little Jimmy doesn't have to do manual labor and can take after his dad – guaranteed!

All of this can happen with our APA, MLA, Chicago cited "Piece of Paper." Get yours today for 1,000 payments of $28.95! And, for a limited time,

Host
Do tell!

Inventor
If you buy within the next five minutes, we will give you a complementary, university sticker

Host
Aren't those like $50 a pop?

Inventor
And it can be yours if you call NOW and place a small deposit of 100 payments

Host
What are you waiting for? The lines are ringing. Call NOW!
What's this? We have 45 more seconds left? Let's take a caller from one of our lines

phones rings with red light. Producer answers on speaker and cues the Host

Host
Caller, you are live

Virginia
Hello, this is Virginia, from, you guessed it, the great state of Virginia. I have 35 million followers on Y who want to know: how is "A Piece of Paper" made?

Inventor
That's a good question, Virginia. The individual formula is actually not a trade secret, so I can tell you and your followers. We make "A Piece of Paper" by extracting the knowledge from our intentionally designed, knowledge trees – you know the ones that professors and universities spend their entire lives and fiscal year budgets, respectively, watering.

They do not do it so the first year quad can have 1.25in grass, but so the artificially created knowledge trees can grow. After decimating the knowledge tree into discipline-commodities, they sell the parts to the highest bidders – governments, ministries, kingdoms – you name it. After all of that back-breaking, spinless selling, there is a small amount left to make – you know it

Virginia
"A Piece of Paper." I thought you said it was made from recyclable process

Inventor
Yes, we repeat this cycle – aka "re" cycle the known formula to produce "A Piece of Paper." We sell this knowledge product for a mere 1,000 payments of $28.95

Virginia
My followers are going to love this! What about the other parts of the artificially created knowledge tree? Can they be purchased?

Inventor
Not necessarily, but if you donate one million payments of $28.95, you can be part of the "Circle of Knowledge" that decides what knowledge is worth adding to the artificial tree. In addition, a knowledge tree can even be named after you for one day

Virginia
Such a good deal. Followers, SMASH the DONATE button, so we can get a knowledge tree!

Inventor
Apologies, but the "Circle of Knowledge" is invite only even if you donate the one million payments. Plus, collectively contributions and pursuits of knowledge are not allowed. It has to come from you directly, an individual.

Virginia
Make sense. Thanks, Inventor

Inventor
My pleasure, Virginia

Host
I think we have time for one more caller

Producer clicks caller in and cues the Host

Jackson
Yeah, this is Jackson from Jackson, Mississippi. Quick question: what happens after the 1,000th payment? I am on payment #678

Inventor
Brilliant question, Jackson. Thanks for buying-in thus far. By the time you reach 1,000 payments, you will be eligible for "An Advance Piece of Paper," which includes…the elusive KNOWLEDGE TREE LEAF! With the advance degree, you only have a few more 1,000s payments of $28.95. With this LEAF, you can be even more educated. Finally, "An Advance Piece of Paper" also comes with a university NFT for 200 payments of ETH. I can put you down on the exclusive wait list.

Jackson
Please do! I want to be educated!

Inventor
Don't worry, you will be. That's our mission to spread education for only 1,000 payments of $28.95 per pupil. CALL NOW

[LEGAL JARGON]

Said faster than the legal jargon CALLERS ARE PAID ACTORS